Whilst on one hand, I believe that women are born with all the skills and instincts they need to be “super mums”, it’s the beliefs and expectations we set for ourselves that lead to “super mum exhaustion”.
When was the last time that you stopped and congratulated yourself on what a great job you do as a mum? Or the last time someone else said the same – Mother’s Day aside? When was the last time you said “No” to something your kids asked you for? And when was the last time you said “No” because you were doing something for yourself instead? All without guilt of course.
The liberation and freedom that women have today compared to our foremothers is amazing, but what is its cost on our wellbeing? Is the modern-day woman setting herself up for failure by trying to do too much? How do we know when we are an exhausted super mum?
How to know if you are an exhausted super mum
How many of these situations resonate with you?
- You run from one task to the next without taking a break
- You skip meals as you don’t have time to think about what you’re going to eat, or you spend too much buying food that isn’t as healthy as you would like it to be
- You can’t remember the last time you sat down uninterrupted on a Sunday afternoon to read a book
- You plan a family holiday only to spend the days before and after doing everything you would have done while you were away – and you still end up doing all the cooking on holiday anyway!
- You cancel your yoga class because your child needs to go to a hockey match
- You get to the end of the day and can’t get to sleep because your brain is still wired
- You wake up in the morning feeling like you haven’t slept
- You make endless lists because you know you will forget to do that one important thing if you don’t write it down
- You snap at your family when something goes “wrong” even if it’s unimportant
- You barricade yourself in your bedroom and ball your eyes out when it all feels too much and your hormones are rampant
- You say “Yes” (to keep the peace) without thinking through the consequences
There are so many examples that it feels overwhelming how easily the words come to list them. If several of the above examples, or similar ones that come to mind, resonate then please consider that you might be an exhausted super mum.
Embracing self-care solutions for the exhausted super mum
Step 1: Awareness of super mum habits
The first step to becoming an incredible mum is to recognise when you are doing too much. Observe your patterns of behaviour. At the end of the day make a note of all the things that you have done. Notice how each of the activities makes you feel. The emotions. The sensations in your body; tightness, shortness of breath. Beside each activity make a note of who benefited from you carrying out the task. Make sure you notice when you have down time too!
Consider how time-sensitive the tasks were. Did you need to do them when you did? Could someone else have helped you instead? Did you ask for help?
After a week or so see if you can notice any patterns. For how many of the tasks were you the beneficiary? What surprised you most?
Step 2: What does being a Super Mum mean to you?
The second step is to think about the type of parent you could replace exhausted super mum with. If you had all the time in the world, if you were free from the judgement of yourself and from others, how would you show up as a parent to your children? Take some time to think about the values that a super mum would embody. Would she love unconditionally? Would she stop and spend quality time engaging with her children? What expectations of herself would she let go of to be that super mum? What would her children want from her above anything else?
Take some time with this reflection. Throw as many of your beliefs about motherhood away as you can so you can get to the core of how to model being the unique individual super mum that you are looks like.
Step 3: Be the unique Super Mum you are
The last step is to put your Super Mum plan into action. Take your time with this. There is a reason for the expression “Rome wasn’t built in a day!”.
Take a little time, even if it’s a minute or two, each day to connect with your breath and be more mindful.
Share with your family why you need to take some time for self-care. Lead by example. If your kids see you looking after yourself they will learn to do that same – something that is much needed in today’s society.
Block some time each week for an activity that lights you up. For some it might be exercise, for others it might be something creative. Be you and above all protect that time with all your super mum powers.
Pause before you commit to anything. Use this time to reflect on whether you need to say “Yes” or “No”. Is there more information you need before committing? Honour your choice and don’t feel the need to justify your response. If the other person is unhappy about it then that’s for them to work through.
Show and share your love and intuition as much as you can. Take your energy from smiling, from seeing the beauty in the world around us and the incredible qualities in the ones we love and other human beings.
Finally, put a plan in place for what you are going to do when you notice that you are tending towards the exhausted super mum again. What will you in that moment to look after yourself and trust that everything is going to be OK just as it is?
Recovering exhausted super mum
So from recovering exhausted super mum to all mums out there, consider that you are an incredibly, powerful, unique being. You have all the skills and intuition you need to be a super mum to your children. But when it comes down to it, just as you did when you were a child, and just as your children now, all we really want is a mum who loves us unconditionally. Who listens to us and only gives us advice when we ask for it. One that allows us to make mistakes, to be let down, and to learn the lessons of life. These are the things that make a mum a real super mum. And that is what you are. A super mum.
If this article resonates with you then consider taking a look at my self-rediscovery coaching cards. For just £24.99 they will take you on a mindful journey to rediscover your light so you can be the best super mum out there while looking after yourself first.
Go on – treat yourself here.